爱错有能如何？

Sometimes, I just wanna shout so loud,kick someone's ass as hard as I can,do something rude that I have not done before......arghhhhhhh!! why I would thought of such nonsenses??I got no idea about it. The most disappointed thing is, I'm actually still standing here for you. I tried so hard to avoid what is inside my heart, controlling myself so hard from staying away from you. At the end, I'm getting even worst. I was so proud of myself at first, be proud that I can actually get a new step without your shadow. I thought I can just move on with this complicated feeling which made my life goes no where. I don't want to stay here, and yet I failed to do so. I get even deeper. wtf?? I hate myself. Why others can be so strong but why I am so useless?I can't do anything. I don't wanna feel in that way. The pain and disappointment I have to went through. Perhaps, I've use to it, everything reminds me of you. But why??
arghhhhhhhhh!!!....I hate it. I hate myself how can I miss you so badly? I don't want to see you anymore. If one day I lose control, I will never turn back again. I will never walk on to the right way.Other than tears-ing. what can I do????
cctv, sorry for letting you down once again. I don't dare to tell you because I just can't find a way out. I'm feeling so painful.
Help me!!