I don't have the mood to blog, my head spin round and round but I don't know what I'm thinking nowadays. There's so many questions bursting out, why?why?why? and how?. Why nowadays I'm like that, like I can feel that I'm changing, in a bad way. wtf. I don't how I gonna change back, I don't wanna be the person who I'm not suppose to be. I choose to avoid sometimes although I know that's not right.WHy? what the heck I'm thinking right now? It seems to be so lost and I don't know how to get back to the right track. How?

There's happening that changed me? idk.
I don't wanna see him lying on the bed, become weaker day by day. My heart ache, I got no idea what am I gonna say when I see him. I tried so hard to control my emotion, keep remind myself that I have to be tough, not to cry so easily and yet, my tears just rush out without my control. I saw mom crying, but I can't do anything cause I'm not the doctor or even the god. I'm scare to look at him, I'm scare to see him, I'm scare to talk to him because I'm scare he will leave me someday. I don't wanna face it. I hate that kind of feeling. I hate to lose someone that I've seen after so many year. I want them to be healthy.I want them to be with me. I want people around me to always be around me. Don't leave me.

I'm sorry.