He's the reason for the tears drops on my guitar

Mad, that's what I'm gonna be. Someone told me, I can find the reason soon but I want it now.
I got no idea why every time I met you I have to behave like a mad lady, irritating and act like so not me.sigh. I though I can get over and yet, it always fail fail fail...failed! I'm sad, because I saw a gap between us. In another hand, this is what I want, I wanna stay as far as I can, perhaps, this gap is like a thick wall which I built it to protect myself,to avoid me from dropping into a hole where there's too deep to see the ground.
我每天都在期待着一个没有期望的奇迹，还傻到，以为不放弃，就可以走进你的世界里。太天真了，真的太天真。。。可是，为什么我到现在还是站在原地呢？为什么在你面前，我就不可以做回以前的我？
算了，只要你现在过得很好，那就好。虽然，不知道你在想什么。
我会每天都祈祷你有钱用。酱，你就不用伤心。=）

累

部落格的用途就是。。。当你不想对别人说出你的心情时，就只好一个人坐在一个很不显眼的角落，对着电脑一个字一个字地把你那说不出口的“无奈”打在部落格 里。不管谁在读着我的心情，是朋友，还是过客。。。今天的心情真的很不好。在朋友的眼里，也许，我是一个天天都在搞笑的傻婆，有时候他们说我很情绪化。 对，我就是想我身边的人笑。每当看见你们的笑容，我的心情也会不知不觉地好了起来。也许，有了你们在身边让我不会再感到寂寞。

有的时候， 我真的很难掩饰自己的心情，就把自己的情绪都表露在脸上了。我承认，我错了，现在的我，很痛苦。而我终于明白别人的心情有时你是会看不见的，也没有办法去 用一把尺来量量到底他们跌得有多深。当你看到别人在伤心，自己就会在想“他真的有那么夸张吗？为了一件小小的事都会哭到酱”。我真的是大错特错，别人的 痛，你又知多少？也许，我不明白当事人的心情，也没去顾虑到别人，所以才会忽略了身边的人。可能是自己也有说不出口的事情吧。所以才会有同感。
绕了这么多圈，最终还是回到了原点。我试着很努力地让自己向前走，不回头看，也很努力地去逃避，到最后还是回到了“零”。所以，我选择站在原来的地方，因为我累了，真的很累。够失败了吧？我也觉得很奇怪，为什么自己会跌到那么深，甚至连自己也看不清楚。
今 天，心情真的跌到谷底。看到一件你送我的东西，突然觉得它很珍贵。因为我知道，以前的回忆都不能再回来`，所以会觉得特别地想去珍惜它。此时此刻，甚至以 后，我不想再见到你，等到那一天，我的脑袋清醒吧。到那了个时候，可能我们已经是很陌生了。而你还会是我曾经最喜欢的那一个。。。。

Leave it blank, I'll try to paint with colors.

Just came back from drinking session with my special one. We talked alot, and I'm glad that I can spoke to you heart to heart. In front of you, there's no where I can hide. You're right though. I should trust people around me especially the person that I treasure alot. I felt insane, because I did a mistake, I ruin something really meant to me and it won't come back to me again. I ruined it by myself, so there's no one I can blame. Thus, everything changed by me. I hate myself,why must I did that just to pretend I'm not the one? I actually care about it so much but I'm acting like I can just move on without that kind of feelings. And I already tired of moving on,standing up and to be strong. I chose to stay here. Trying my best to change the plot in the drama.Hope I can do so. I wonder if the person get to read this or not, but from the bottom of my heart, I hope I can change, will the friendship still remain the same? can we get back to last time where the best moment I ever had? I got a feeling that you tried asking me to move on, or gave up? But, I chose to stay, sorry....I wanna stay here for you.so sorry...In the mean time,just this second,minute and hour, I wanna stay.
I know it's not easy to walk through this,I'm pushing myself to hell,but I have no regrets. I won't force myself to do something that hurts me even more, or perhaps, I'm just too tired to move on.So? my life still goes on like this. Thanks to the people around me.At least you guys will full fill my day with lots of fun and joke,to letting me stay alive =) seriously enjoying my college life to the max with no doubt.

CCTv, enjoyed beer-ing session with you. =p Lets drink again.....?

p/s: Sorry Chris, I'm rude today.forgive me.ok? XD